Tag Archives: confession

today: confession

“…and that’s when I get to wondering, what would happen if I told her she something good, ever day?”
The Help, Kathryn Stockett (so, so good)

Hi, my name is Erin, and I over-commit famously. The intention to love people and love them well gets muddied up by one too many projects and ideas and poems and books and photographs and you get the idea. I believe life can be lived simply and fully but find myself ending most days exhausted. I know I should drink less coffee and spend more time with God. I’m easily distracted. And I don’t read enough. I miss playing music.

My name is Erin, and I hunger to look people people in the eye and love them just like Jesus did, but a lot of times I stumble into judgment first. “I’m sorry” often doesn’t come out as quickly as it ought. I’m stubborn.

I love conversations that light up the face of the person across from me. I believe community matters. And yet I’m busy and procrastinating, often unable to make time for anyone unwilling to bend my way. I cannot figure out how to fit travel and working with people outside of my comfort zone back into my schedule. I’m struggling to write words and stories of significance these days, even as my camera lens time and again captures beauty. I get the work done but find it difficult to be creative outside of work’s constraints. It’s not that I feel like a failure; it’s just that I am aware of shortcomings. And sometimes I do fail.

Was it just a week or so ago that I stood on the beach with being with people I love the sole task on the to-list for the day? Is that possible?

Please don’t read these words as despairing; I needed to get this stuff off my chest, to put these feelings to words so that they won’t hang over my head anymore tonight. I need to sleep, and sleep alludes when I hang onto this stuff. I need to be ready for tomorrow, because tomorrow is a new day. And tomorrow I will play with kids and be outside and run some miles. Those things are grace to me, and I suspect they’ll be used to help me regroup.

Something I know to be true: none of these things define me; God does.

And he says I’m his.
And that he loves me.
And that his love is enough, his grace sufficient, his power made perfect in weakness.
And I believe him.

Hi my name is Erin, and oh to grace how great a debtor daily I’m constrained to be. Thankfully.

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today: 17of28. food and healthcare and budget cuts and life and death (incomplete thoughts)

“…if you live that mindful life, if you began to live a little more simply, a little more humbly, a little more meekly as Christ would put it, you begin to grow as a spiritual human being…”
Matthew Sleeth, MD (wise, wise, wise downwardly mobile guy)

It sickens me that schools will close and lose teachers while stacks of tax dollars pay for Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security. The whole system is flawed. There, I said it. I’m probably the first one to say it too. I will probably write more about this when I have a bit more time to gather some thoughts, but it breaks my heart that the world God created and called good has been pillaged and purged of resources throughout history, but the West, particularly this American neck of the woods owes the world an apology. We owe ourselves an apology. We have replaced understanding that life is a gift with a sense of entitlement.

We think we ought to live forever, that we ought not grow old, that we ought not be sick and that we ought not have consequences when we make choices that rob us of an alive kind of life.

We distract ourselves with entertainment, with pursuing the next big thing, with more, More, MORE.

We fail to connect the choices we make in our culture of excess with the brokenness of the marginalized in the developing world.

We allow ourselves to remain blind. We choose to be uninformed about what our food (if it’s that) is made of. We neglect simple change that would make us healthier (less technology, better food, more time outside, greater generosity, fewer hours at work).

We choose to let the dollar be the bottom line rather than people. We overspend. We under-invest. We buy more than we need. We give less than we could.

I know these are sweeping generalizations, but our culture and government reflect the above statements.

It makes me sad. I want to be different, more hopeful, more real. Do you? I see all kinds of beauty in the world all the time, and I think we were created and called good to replicate that beauty. Even if it costs us.

I’m reminded of Ezra’s confession when he observes Israel’s failures. He owns it. He confesses it. He grieves it. He prays. He initiates change. He sees God grace. May it be so today.