today: internal, externally.

There is a design, an alignment to cry,
at my heart you see, the beauty of love
as it was made to be

Sigh No More, Mumford and Sons

Last fall, like the last few falls, looked like planning a Mexico trip and gathering shoes and and array of photo sessions and a lot of people and a general sense of overwhelmed-ness that has been laid to rest for a number of months now.

This fall looks similar (sans the Mexico part), but the general sense of overwhelmed-ness is gone most days. That’s not to say life is not busy; it is. And that’s not to say that I’ve got life figured out; I don’t. But something definitely shifted this fall.

This fall I spend my days looking after a sweet little man and edit photos while he naps. We run and read and play. Before I arrive at his house in the morning, I walk my dog and spend time with God and pack a lunch. I reply to emails and phone calls. When I get home, I make dinner with my boyfriend some nights and work on photos eating sushi with my sisters other nights. On Sundays I go to church and am just there, participating in the service and visiting with friends and family without the weight of have-to-be-there. Life, for the first time in many years, seems to almost lack boredom attached to the mundane. I’m mostly loving it. And I am aware of God’s presence.

Today, though, I felt a little sad that this wonderful space that is the current page of my life does not include working at church and planning a shoe trip. It does not include working in a partnership in my business the majority of the time. I know it was time to step away from those roles. And I believe God is writing the same story in me that He was writing then. But I think about those little kids and their little feet. And I think about teaching at church and inviting people into a something-more kind of life. And I think about photos alongside of a friend who is creative and spontaneous and fun. And I miss some of those things.

Not all the time. But now, today.

This is not a grass-is-greener-in-nostalgic-world kind of post. It’s just acknowledgment that this is the page I woke up on today. It makes me curious to know how the big picture puzzle that is my life will fit together and play out. It makes me thankful that I don’t have to figure that out today.

And there you have my internal process externally.


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