In case you were wondering (which you probably weren’t), I still get terrible insomnia some nights (not nearly as many as before), hence the 530 occasion for writing down some words. I ought to be sleeping. I’d rather be sleeping. The past month or so has been busy, endlessly busy, and that makes insomnia something more than inconvenient.
I used to ask God about my insomnia and for help with it, and it seemed like an area He wasn’t reaching into and changing. I think maybe I got frustrated and quit asking. Tonight I am wondering if maybe He seemed or seems uninvolved because (in typical human behavior?) I forget or refuse to let go of things that ought not occupy the space in my brain or heart. They are meant to be filled with life-giving and good things. I am so ridiculously easy to distract. Oh dear.
How good it is to know that we are given new grace and mercy for each new day. God does not have unrealistic expectations of people. Not at all. He knows we are easily distracted. He knows I can’t sleep. He is not surprised. When Eugene Peterson interpreted the author of Hebrews in the Good Book, he penned some of the words about Jesus to recommend this when considering his story: “take the mercy, accept the help.
Maybe it’s time (again? seemingly ever.) to regroup a little. Help requires some open hands that once unclenched just might be in a better position to receive much needed mercy and help. And if received, it can in turn be given away. And that just might (I suspect it is) be the sweet spot for doing life in a way that is life-giving and good. And when all is as it should be, sleep comes easy (maybe?).
This, both a confession and hope. Yes.