Monthly Archives: November 2009

today: thank. full. (coming soon)

“The best way to predict your future is to create it.”
-Abraham Lincoln

I have much to say about Thanksgiving and no time to say it as of yet. Life is going fast, fast, fast with the end of 2009 bringing so much change that I cannot quite grasp the full force of it as of yet. That said, life is good. Full. Blessed. It’s been a good ride. It’s going to be a good ride. I am thankful.

Advertisements

tonight: i keep thinking

I forget the last time I felt brave
I just recall an insecurity

Tidal Wave, Owl City

“Always do what you are afraid to do.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

i keep thinking about all the possible outcomes
and then we don’t take any steps
instead staring at what could be
as if something horrible is guaranteed
by changing you or changing me
or changing you and changing me
this is not stagnant water
but murky, yes, we can’t really see
so at this standstill we stand staunch
sure we want something
not sure we want everything
and maybe that something is nothing
so i shrug shoulders
you cross arms
i step backwards
and no one is harmed
but i keep thinking a slow steady movement
might take us somewhere
that tiny thought does not relent
this, i doubt, is happenstance
so we musn’t define circumstance
on fear
lest we circumvent
a better way set out for us
a better way might be joyous
we stare only at the cost
and may never see the wake of our loss

i keep thinking that
but i don’t know and the moment will pass

today: 42 days

“I’ll lead you out of your own trap.”
I Have Loved You Wrong, the Swell Season

Today while I sorted and packed shoeboxes and bantered with Debbie and Robin as we performed the various tasks we do at church, I counted out 42 days until my job is done. They’ll be 42 fast days, because we have Thanksgiving and Christmas and a trip to Mexico. We have Advent and readings and songs to sing. We have much to celebrate.

And then a four-year chapter will be finished. Forty-two days is tangibly small. I kept thinking about it, wavering between excitement and fear, sadness and elation. Good endings ought to coax such emotional duplicity, and held in tension, that duplicity goes taut and steadies the heart.

I found myself wanting to peer into what happens next and give it magnitude and direction, so that life can function as a force, making an impact. I found myself cautioned to stay on the page I am on right now. And I found myself with this thought. I will always be a girl who goes.

And I. so. want. to go.

The duplicity steadied me again, though, because though I so want to go, right here and right now, I get to stay these last 42 days. But I will always be a girl who goes.

tonight: the wait of redemption is the weight of redemption

“…dead men don’t see clearly…”

“God does not love some future version of you.”
-Matt Chandler

watch the meteor shower and see the poetry of it all
wondering about the world crumbling within a universe so glorious
while hearing mysteries whispered in the wind, cold and flushing color onto
the face of a girl staring upward considering the weight of it all
(i am)
so the hope that turns the light just so
is eyes seeing the broken bits of this world (overwhemling)
with hints of beauty
with hints of grace
with hints of love
and now what is not yet places some hunger into longing bellies
for within a universe so glorious
a story echoes and resounds
we wait. eager. wanting. tirelessly and tired beyond relief.
the wait for redemption is the weight of redemption
to be picked up and carried; if with effort, still hope.

today: dear november, we will become a happy ending

now he’s one of us
plays the tambourine
breaks the bread for us
and sings
will you wait for us
will you stay for us
will you grace us everything…
…so we will become a happy ending

Chariot, Page France (please go listen and thank you)

rey107

Dear November,

Typically you bring insomnia and insanity and stress, stress, stress. At least, that has been my November story for the last four years. And November, I think I missed the boat on you a year or two. This year you have me utterly enchanted.

nov.lt075

You have brought fall, vibrantly.

nov676

And family, from afar, in proximity.

nov.lt061

You have allowed me music, live, and how I love live music. (Note to self: go to more shows.)

nov734

You’ve allowed me photographs, oh so many photographs of people in my life.

nov239

You have allowed a birthday or two, which forces, wonderfully, the celebration of a person or people in my life.

nov159

Dearest November, it’s not that I am trying to be overtly optimistic. I prefer pragmatism. Pragmatism gives me, then, this thought as I consider you, at your midpoint today. Where one sees an abundance of goodness, the right response is thank you, thank you, thank you, to One kind enough to give a November that looks entirely different from the last few years. Pragmatism sometimes cloaks itself in what appears to be optimism, November, for we are becomming a happy ending indeed.

nov704

today: Aunt Bridget, you are missed.

Love this shot. Reminds me of my favorite Fly shot.

for520

It’s been a busy few days in Kentucky, which means that sometimes you get in the car, and this is what happens:

for519

Our family share friends. It’s what we do. For the last few days, I’ve been with some of Bridget’s best friends. She is missed, so we made her belated birthday cards. Good times were had by all. Wanted to share they merriment for Aunt Bridget.

art for B

Leslie was very enthusiastic…

for534

for539

And Lucy wanted in on the action too. She required a bit of assistance.

for548

for549

Though Aunt Bridget has been missed, Uncle Erin has had a blast. These travel photo ops are making my year.

tonight: substantial, hope.

Well I’m heading out
to pack a bag
to head out on the road
to take away what I know is mine

Feeling the Pull, Swell Season

(You should know I shot this image while swinging with my new friend Zoe who belongs to my old friend Cheryl, and I love it.)
che297

What I think I know
I often don’t know at all
and hope, the idea, I love most of all
shifts and transforms the more I think I know it
it is not inconsequential, albeit positive vibes, towards a desired outcome
it is more than desire
it is substantial, the feeling of a child’s hand in your grip
it moves in a direction uncontrolled by fate
personal and bold and courageous and real
hope does not disappoint
the most famished of hearts finds itself
utterly replenished with just one glimmer, one tiny glimmer
of something more and truer and better
than imagination allows
hope is knowing that that something is Someone

Real.