This morning nothing went right. I woke up tired and cranky and busy and hurried. The whole day seemed off kilter. I forced myself to go for a run.
No magic moment came with my run. John Mayer told me to say what I needed to say. Chris Martin reminded me that just because I was losing didn’t mean I’m lost. David Crowder connected with God. “It’s just you and me, here now,” he sang. I ran in the cool and did not find the rhythm that hits some days when things start off kinda wrong. I finished, got ready, went to church, worked a full day.
It’s Friday night, and I am editing photos, pondering this photography thing that is really growing. A friend reminded me the other day that we once had a conversation where I told him I wasn’t creative. He had shrugged his shoulders and laughed, disagreeing. Fast forward a few years to now… Amber and I are busy. Most days we have a lot of fun. Sometimes during photo sessions, we hand our cameras off to our subjects so they take photos of us wearing hats they made.
OK, so that only happened once, and it was last week. We laughed a lot that day. I like the days when laughing a lot is the story that gets told when reviewing notes of what happened…
And now for the contemplative introspective reflection or something like that…
Today just wasn’t one of those days. I did not feel close to God. I did not feel like I was handling relationships well. Work did not seem to get done in the way it ought. I prepared for a meeting at church Sunday for which I am struggling to find the passion that fuels me to do take teams on trips. And Sunday morning I need to cast vision with a leadership team who has poured their heart into a community in Mexico for the last few years, and frankly, we are tired.
I’m ok with today, though, because I know there are days when laughter tells the predominant story. And I know there are days when passion fills every pore and fuels words, life, existence.
And sometimes tired and cranky comes because life is full, and Sabbath is needed (and foolishly cast to the wayside for the moment). That foolishness, though, does not negate the abundance of goodness that fills up my life.
It is grace to be able to see that. For this I am thankful.